Susan Says: Stretching Comparisons

As is the generation of leaves, so is that of humanity.

The wind scatters the leaves on the ground,

 but the live timber burgeons with leaves

again in the season of spring returning.

So one generation of men will grow while another dies.

~Homer’s Iliad 6.146-49

Hello Toads,

Today’s challenge is to write an extended simile or metaphor.  The bleak quote above contains one example and Momaday’s poem “A SIMILE” provides another:  

A Simile

What did we say to each other
that now we are as the deer
who walk in single file
with heads high
with ears forward
with eyes watchful
with hooves always placed on firm ground
in whose limbs there is latent flight 

By Navarre Scott Momaday

(Posted from Poem Hunter)

Like Homer’s first line, Momaday’s first two lines set up a comparison that would be obscure if not for his continuation of that comparison in the following 6 lines.  Note that once the deer are mentioned in the comparison, everything that follows describes the deer.  “We” are “as the deer” in all of these ways:  walking singly and carefully, positioning our heads and ears, watching and having the potential to bolt away at any second.  In a poem of only 8 lines, Momaday makes us see a relationship as a couple or a group of deer moving cautiously.

White-tailed deer “About to Take Flight” by Emery Way

The poem delights me because the comparison is so unexpected and and because, through the deer, Momaday both reveals a relationship in crisis and provides a tone of regret with hope that something of former times can be salvaged.

The Challenge:  Write a brand new poem using an extended simile or metaphor.

—If you have an idea already, go for it!

—If not, consider building on Momaday’s model to describe a relationship.  Using his first two lines, change the comparison from deer to something else that will clarify the relationship you are describing.   Here are a few possibilities:

What did we say to each other

that now we are as a shiny new Ferrari . . .

or

What did we say to each other

that now we are as two cats playing . . .

or

What did we do to each other

that now we are like cheerios in milk . . .

or

I love you as much as the moon loves the sun . . . .

Here is an example of doing this “Wrong” by describing the relationship instead of what you are comparing it to:

We are behaving like a two-headed calf

We each want to be the boss

We take off without consulting with each other … etc.

Possible Corrections:

We are behaving like a two-headed calf

            who can’t have one head lead without the other butting

who stands still out of total bewilderment … etc.

or

What did we say to each other that

now we are as a two-headed calf

who cannot get away from itself

no matter how hard it tries and

who must bend when its other wishes  … etc.

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I am looking forward to reading 
your creatively  s t r e t c h e d comparisons.

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Please link your new poem back to Mr. Linky, leave a comment for us on this site, and then be sure to read the other poems here in the Imaginary Garden.  Enjoy!

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