Definition

One must make a distinction however: when dragged into prominence by half poets, the result is not poetry, nor till the autocrats among us can be “literalists of the imagination”—above insolence and triviality and can present for inspection, imaginary gardens with real toads in them, shall we have it.

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Personal Challenge: "The Fishmaster"

Hello Toads and pond followers! Fireblossom here, with a little help from my Word Garden moderator and sidekick, Catblossom! We have been challenged. The evil, conniving, pitiless Mama Zen has challenged us to write something based on misheard lyrics!

You know the ones. Who could forget the scene on the bus in "Almost Famous", where the Elton John song is playing and they all join in? "Hold me closer, Tony Danza..." What, you mean that's not what they sang? Tiny Dancer, you say? But...what about how considerate John Fogerty is of his audiences when he sings "There's a bathroom on the right"? Oh, c'mon, you're gonna tell me I'm wrong again? It's "bad moon" on the right? RRRrrrrrrright. I think you're wrong. But anyway, I have written this poem, in order to please Cruella de Zen. It's pretty silly, but I urge you to read the poem first and then watch the video of the song I used. Hopefully, it will raise a smile that way. 

Oh, and....depending on your musical tastes, you may want to to turn your speakers either UP or dowwwwn. :-)

THE FISHMASTER

In olden times, there lived a cat
who loved fish skellies so much and caught them so well,
that all the valley did tell of his exploits ever after,
and they called him...The Fishmaster!

BUT, he wasn't averse to catching a rodent or a bird,
and from everything I've heard,
(and I heard distinctly)
he used to say that "the best place for a rodent is...in me!"

And all the while, as the winds did moan,
Hedgewitch was talking to the Rolling Stones.

In the village, in those same olden times,
lived a hamster, and he was nice enough and all,
but he had an unfortunate fascination with Asian teen chinchillas,
and this habit led directly to his fall.

When Stephen Seagull came by with some super-priced items from Walmart,
the distracted hamster came out without looking, 
and in an instant, into the cat's mouth was scooped,
but on the way in, he chipped the poor kitty's tooth.

And all the while, as the winds did moan,
Hedgewitch was talking to the Rolling Stones.

"Fetch a dentist!" cried the cat,
but it sounded more like a yowl than that.
"I've got some L'oreal, and a beret," said the seagull uselessly,
but finding a dentist is beyond me!"

Nonetheless, a dentist was found,
who lived as a doomsday prepper, deep underground.
He was a rifle-toting Warrior against government tyranny,
whose motto was NO FARMING! Okay, good enough for me.

Anyway, this nutjob fixed the kitty's tooth,
and also released the smut-loving hamster, and that's the truth.
And all the while, as the winds did moan,
Hedgewitch took Keith Richards home.

I love a happy ending, don't you? And now for the song, full to the brim with misheard lyrics!




 

16 comments:

manicddaily said...

Ha. I'm especially glad that the seagull had good hair care and the Keith Richards got to go home with Hedge. A lot of fun here. Am laughing. K.

Kathryn said...

too funny, that woke me up this morning

Kay L. Davies said...

Well done, Shay! Everybody has misheard lyrics at one time (or several) or another.
Luv, K

Sherry Blue Sky said...

O!M!G! Hysterical. Only you could think this up. I love Hedge talking to the Rolling Stones......am cackling. And the video is hilarious, too.

hedgewitch said...

Ha! And who is the maiden elf, calling with her cunning soap, I ask? Obviously Lolamouse is sitting in for the hamster...(though perhaps not into the underage chinchillas.) And yes, no matter how old and emaciated he gets, Keith Richards will always have a home with me. This is just hilarious, Shay. I think the song is actually about something Tolkeinian, but much funnier this way.

Susan said...

I laughed because of characters, events, story--but don't know the misquoted lines or codes so I missed out on that. I'm not pouting though, I really enjoyed the convoluted events going on while Hedgewitch was busy with the rolling stones. No one else could have invented this.

Hannah said...

Awesome challenge MZ and perfect response Fireblossom, (and Catblossom - beautiful portrait btw)!

Fireblossom said...

I think Hedge is right about Lolamouse! :-)

grapeling said...

1) Chocolate Chip City, by David Bowie
2) Secret Asian Man (Devo cover) (my personal anthem)
3) Any REM tune

Good on Hedge, too. :) ~

hedgewitch said...

Rofling at Secret Asian Man, M--they've given him a number, and taken away his zen.

Best Rolling Stones:
I ain't Jeff(Angie)This was actually called in on as a request here at a local station back in the day.

Lolamouse said...

And just who are you calling "smut loving?!!" Well, okay, but the underage Asian chinchilla thing is in the past!

I listened to the misheard lyrics and cracked up! Then I read the real lyrics, and I don't think I heard ANY of that!

My favorite mondegreen is ELO's "He's A Woman," obviously a tribute to transexualism. Actually, it's Evil Woman, but I like my version much better!

Margaret said...

Ha ha ha . This IS the story (um, song) of my life. My children and husband often burst out laughing when I am singing my '80's songs and … well, sing the wrong lyrics. Hey, old habits die hard.

Confession: I never really liked the Rolling Stones much… a few songs. Much preferred Queen and The Beetles and Bon Jovi and the Scorpians. Didn't even try to get a free ticket to see the RS when they did their grand tour… what back in the '80's. (I don't think I've ever confessed that before :) Whew. Hey Mick Jagger is a great grandfather --- never would have bet on that.

This is pure Fireblossom - imaginative and a bit sassy. :) Thanks for the laugh.

Kerry O'Connor said...

I'm so sorry I had no time to even come online yesterday, but this has made my midweek madness seem that much easier to bear. I confess to having sung "bathroom on the right" for many years. Haha! The song is so funny too.

Thanks FB.

Mama Zen said...

Jumpin' Jack Flash - "I was raised by two lesbian hags."

This is awesome, Shay! Made me laugh, and God knows I needed it. But how come Hedge gets Keith?

Ella said...

I am sorry I missed this one~ I will come by and see what adventures you conjured~

Marian said...

haha, love this! just wow.

"We all need somebody, Toledo."