Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Toads In Tandem: Observing love and broken things

What happens when runaway sentence and a dash of sunny team up? Magic! When Marian and I first began writing we were practically on the same wavelength and ended up selecting the same topic. Writing alongside her was an amazing experience! Hope you guys like our poem.

Observing love and broken things

Through darkness peer your words
                     and songs
we celebrate and eulogize--
in youth, you are the song unsung.
Difficult to rationalize

such a loss, the depth of your eyes
a well from which we all sustained
our sodden tenderness, disguised
as sunshine. Now it looks like rain.

I reach out and extend my hand
to you, a silhouette fading
as crumbled stone on shifting sand.
Love, I fear my heart is breaking.

Now outside daylight is fading--
upon your face I stole a glance.
We used to laugh, but now I am
won’t you give me a second chance?

It’s when I started losing things
that I stepped back to look at you--
doubly brash, emboldened by drink,
you, whose lyrics always rang true.

Losses aside, the spark of you
roils in my belly like a burn
that’s emberred long, waiting
                            out blue,
then brown, until comes shadow’s turn--

I remember your smile, sweet tune
as waning sky grows pale
                                     and gold.
Your memories flood until June,
trees emblazoned, though sun is cold.

I beg my heart stay strong and bold
now as I live on without you
in world where truth is seldom told.
Love as we knew it comes to few.

Seems unwise to love so truly
given the harshness of our world--
but again, without your beauty,
my meager verse as yet unfurled,

I’d have given in to the swirl
as you did, and chose every day.
So I sing the song of our world,
wishing earnestly you
                    had stayed.

Love, if I could give you one thing
would lend ability to see,
oh, since you taught my heart to sing
from aberrations to live free--

Now all these thoughts
            have come to me--
when life knocks you down, gaze at stars.
Though long and sombre sky may seem,
this place and this moment is ours.

The form we chose is called Huitain also known as The Monk's Stanza (first introduced in the Garden by Kerry a few years ago, here). The verse form was popular in the 16th century and was often used for epigrams in the 18th century. The true Huitain is a single verse, eight line poem with eight syllables per line. The rhyme scheme is: ababbcbc

I remember going into panic mode when first trying to write in this form but Marian's cheerfulness and optimism removed every trace of doubt from my soul. Thank you Marian for being such a wonderful writing partner and Kerry for assigning such a lovely project to us.



Kerry O'Connor said...

Way to set the bar, Sanaa and Marian! This is so well-conceived. You have merged voices in a way that is not easy to do when writers have such different styles. The theme ripples down from one huitain to the next to create remarkable cohesion. There are so many lines I love too.

PS. In my interfering way, I have brought forward the time of the post to afford the feature a bit longer than half a day at the top of the Home page.

Many thanks for a wonderful reading experience, and for starting off the Toads in Tandem.

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Awww!πŸ’– Thank you soo much Kerry!πŸ’–

Blogoratti said...

Really great and collaborative effort. Love is everything, and this is a piece to read over and over again, as it has that effect. Warm greetings and thanks for sharing!

Angie said...

Ladies, your voices blend amazingly beautiful here. Form poetry is setting the bar high, as is the rhyming. You two rock. Thank you for bringing us this love and broken things with such tight little strings. I'm glad you found the experience of working together inspiring.

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Thank you so much, Angie πŸ’– Looking forward to reading yours soon! Cheers πŸ’–

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Thanks for stopping by, Blogoratti πŸ’–

Samyuktha Semi Jayaprakash said...

Lovely work.
Can't help but keep rereading!

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Thank you so much Samyuktha πŸ’– so nice to see you.

Rommy said...

What a title! It suits this lovely piece so well. Great team effort Sanaa and Marian!

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Thank you so much Rommy πŸ’– Looking forward to reading yours soon! Cheers πŸ’–

Sherry Blue Sky said...

Oh wow, what a perfect pairing, with gorgeous results. Your stanzas worked so well together it was hard to know who wrote which one. A fantastic write. Kudos, this was such a pleasure to read.

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Awww!πŸ’–πŸ’– Thank you so much Sherry! We enjoyed writing together, so glad you enjoyed it!πŸ’–πŸ’– said...

This was quite an undertaking. The poem is so lovely, and flowing, that I would have never known that it had two authors. Deserves several readings, which I will gladly do.

Susan said...

Wow, wow, wow!

Anonymous said...

Thank you, Sanaa

Marian said...

Ahhhh! I've been gone all day and what a treat to come to this. Yippee! Sanaa is being modest, she is a force with whom to reckon, for sure. :)

Yay for collaboration!! xoxoxxo M.

Magaly Guerrero said...

Your voices have merged so seamlessly. I love that the piece doesn't read like a Sanaa poem or Marian poem, but something completely knew. Thanks you both!

Isadora Gruye said...

Wow, excellent work ladies. Your voice are stronger together here, and are gosh darn near unstoppable. >>>Stands and applauds!!!>>>>

Kim M. Russell said...

What an impressive collaboration! You have set the bar really high, Sanaa and Marian! I love the title and I agree with Angie about the way your voices blend.

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Awwww!πŸ’– Thank you so much guys for your kind and loving words!πŸ’– I am so overwhelmed with joy right now!πŸ’–

Debi Swim said...

Wonderful, Ladies. Two-thumbs up for this seamless work

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Thanks Debi πŸ’– so good to see you!πŸ’–

Outlawyer said...

Very pretty poem, that goes well with the form--has a madrigal aspect. Thanks. k.

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Thank you so much Karin πŸ’– so glad you liked it.

Fireblossom said...

Well. THIS will teach me to not check the Garden on Wednesday; I almost missed it! What a wonderful, poignant, heart-tugging, beautiful poem, and I really like the form and want to try it myself.

It isn't easy to write a good love poem, let alone to collaborate with someone else in the writing of it, but oh what a marvelous job you both have done. I confess--my eyes were stinging. You should both be very proud of what you've done here.

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Aww gosh!! Thank you soo much, Shay!πŸ’– Your words mean the world to us!πŸ’–

brudberg said...

What a wonderful and seamless collaboration... knowing both Marian and Sanaa I still found it extremely difficult to see who had written what.. I bow my head to you both...

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Aww!πŸ’– Thank you so much, Bjorn! So glad you liked it!πŸ’–

Marian said...

XOXOX Friends!

Sanaa Rizvi said...


Jim said...

Nice, nice, nice. Loved reading it and remembering my broken love, our poem also broke. Some guys have had this experience as I did. It took many years to relearn the rhythm of fully trusting.
I also read it as seasons, a single year. Only thing there is that nature has a fresh new season every spring.

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Thank you so much, Jim πŸ’– so nice to see you.

Margaret said...

So precious - time together with loved ones - and the missing of them is all a part of the love - the slow ebbing of it, the "silhouette" fading and then... the memories. Very poignant, but not overly sentimental - just a truthful telling that makes me believe the poets have experienced what they have shared ....

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Thank you so much, Margaret πŸ’– so glad you liked it πŸ’–

Anonymous said...

I can only echo what others have said. This is seamless and it really is as if one new voice were created.Wonderful work ladies.

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Thank you so much, Paul πŸ’– so nice to see you πŸ’–

Susie Clevenger said...

To speak on love never gets old...This is gorgeous, both voices blended so wonderfully.

grapeling said...

I would love to hear you two read this, somehow, not just picking your own words, but mixing and mingling. Deeply felt, and so very well crafted ~

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Thank you so much, Susie!πŸ’–

Sanaa Rizvi said...

Thank you so much, M!πŸ’–