Hello, this is your resident Laundry Goddess, Susie Clevenger. Kerry tapped me on the shoulder, well not exactly a tap. She sent me an e-mail to let me know it was my turn to pass the baton challenge to the next member in the garden. I immediately thought radio, Mexican Radio that is, and our Herotomost
, Corey Rowley.
I sent an e-mail to Corey and asked him if he would take part in the challenge and this is what I presented him with:
My challenge for you is to write a poem about rain. Just some ideas. How does it make you feel? Has it ever had an impact on your life..too much...too little. Does it ever make you feel romantic...curl up and read or write? Curse it for not being able to do what you want? You have complete freedom to write in any poetic form and in any direction you choose.
Corey graciously accepted with, “So on board…I will get to work and try to make you proud.”
Your judgments rained steadily upon me, five days straight
Melting my raincoat defenses, exposing aging brick and mortar….a regular guy
That one drop on the tip of my tongue, cruel in every detail, spread like acid
You grew into a giant of a woman that day and I had no suitable weapons
You can’t harvest wet grain dear…..
But if the sun refuses your invitation
For God’s sake rain…go away
It rained for five days straight the day you left
Enough to wash away my blood that coagulated on the hot concrete
Into the storm drains with my soul, I hope it makes it to the ocean some day
I thought I would come apart at the seams listening to my shadow
You should have built a boat dear….
But time has stolen your moment
It poured for five days straight the day you called me, begging
Making it seem as though I was a man worth having, your mistake
Toweling my body dry with misplaced kindness, remodeling outdated thoughts
You receded into a mouse of a woman that day and I had a restocked armory
You can’t erase the past dear….
And I won’t succumb to your pain
For your sake rain….go away
I bend to the sun warm upon my cheeks and hope that you find drier days
There was never any doubt for me that Corey would make me proud. Thanks so much Corey for participating in my challenge and writing such an emotional piece about rain.
So much in five days, so much emotion, so much pain, so much rain.
Well done, Corey, very well done.
Fantastic response, Rowley! Your aesthetic has never been more sharp and shining!
Love this, the formulaic stanza intros and refrains, the cutting similes, and the sheer exuberance of language--the spiraling track of love gone bad eventually melting in the rain--loved the image of the soul running down the storm drain to the sea...and the final touch of sun seals the deal. Excellent writing, Corey.
Very rich response to the challenge of 'rain.' The repeating 'dears' strengthened the poem's message, and I loved this: "You receded into a mouse of a woman that day and I had a restocked armory." Oh yes!
The refrains are wonderful and the last stanza had me cheering for the man! Very sad, yes, but his new found sense of self worth was nice. Thank you for a very enjoyable read! The parting line is sweet - sorrowful and forgiving, not bitter.
Your opening stanza especially is a level of poetry all on its own. It knocked my jaw down. These words in particular:
"Your judgments rained steadily upon me, five days straight"
"That one drop on the tip of my tongue, cruel in every detail, spread like acid"
"You grew into a giant of a woman that day and I had no suitable weapons"
Thank you so much for taking up the challenge; phenomenal work.
I can only add my hurrahs, Corey. I have been a long admirer of your unique style, and ability to read the human genome, without prejudice or pardon.
This is stunning: the journey through heartache through to redemption is grand. It takes a lot out of one to be rejected, and it is painstakingly difficult to regain the sense of self you describe at the end.
Argh. Blogger ate my comment. This was such a rich read - love the repetition, love the progression of the tale - and the character's emotions - love the having no weapons, then the restocked armory. I especially liked the well wishes at the end - he took the hero's path!
A perfect format --- insistent and painful, just like five days of rain! Beautifully composed. I am impressed.
Hey, what's everyone trashing on us "mouse women" for? I, lolamouse, am a proud mouse of a woman!
That aside, I loved this poem! It's been raining here for a few days, so the mood was perfect. I loved the juxtaposition of the childlike song-sing verses with the heart wrenching alternate verses. Beautifully composed!
Corey, this piece took rain to a place I didn't expect, but I am so moved by it. Again thank you so much for taking my simple suggestion of rain and turning it into deeply emotional artistry.
well done, Corey - I like the metaphor very much (especially the raining judgments part), and the 5-day-rain first lines and refrains, repeated but cleverly varied - altogether just a perfect format for this rain theme
Bravo Corey! I loved all the elements that you projected...you know I was listening to the song, "Set Fire to the Rain" by Adele before I read your poem~ Wow!
I think yours would make a better song~ :D
I agree beautifully composed!
Wonderful! Love the rain and its many moods, love this poem.
Thanks for the great comments everyone...you have mad my day....many times over!!!
Corey, beautiful writing...I specially like the raining for five straight days...the refraining lines...leaving and begging to come back ~
Great post to both you and Susie ~
Excellent write! Really enjoyed this.
I enjoyed the raining for five days straight, the ways in which you captured the emotions, and the great ending...the refrains...all of it.
but was there ever any doubt you wouldn't rise to the challenge? bravo Corey - you took the prompt and ran with it in a way I wasn't expecting! nicely done of course - many brilliant lines here! love the "dears" - they're always quite strong I find!
This is wonderful. It is my first time here. I came by way of a comment that Susie made on my blog and I am glad that I did. Great stuff here. The whole damn world is filled with such good stuff~
Again.... Thanks so much for all the wonderful comments...you all rock.....and not just a little.
very very nice... my favorite line is "your mistake toweling my body dry with misplaced kindness." whoosh.
Rain is an excellent choice for a challenge, and the response was really good, as expected from herotomost. Sorry it has taken me so long to come and comment.
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